Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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