wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
