Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he told me I talked like a deaf person
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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