Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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