hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize