it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
