I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
