He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
