I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
