i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
