I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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