I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
