I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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