the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize