I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Come share oat with me in your robe
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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