Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
