My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
