my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
