One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
