it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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