We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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