i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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