So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
