im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
