I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
