Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
