heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
