So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
