either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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