dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Randomize
