What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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