If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
