No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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