So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
