I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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