Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
