YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
