Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
