If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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