so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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