That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
