i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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