dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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