Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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