he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
