On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
