No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
