I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
