It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
