Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize