too bad you live with your parents still
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
