just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I can't turn off my feet"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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