Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
