If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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