I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
