just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
