You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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