he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
