I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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