Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
