i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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