it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just had sex on a roof
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
