i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Randomize
