3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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