a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
