FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
