She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
