My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
