Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
