I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
