I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
